Good morning! — February 2, 2021

Good morning!

Good Morning USA! How are you doing today? Are you doing okay? I know we haven’t spoke much recently. We’ve been busy stuck in our homes or watching where we are going in fear of Covid. We’ve seen riots of hate and injustice, embarrassment of our leader tweeting and pouting, our children learning virtually, and to top it off so called patriots invading our own White House. We’ve been through so much in just short of a year since Covid began. We lost so much! Our love ones and friends, our colleagues and acquaintances gone to a virus that no one seem to be able to control. First responders, teachers, truck drivers, doctors, nurses and even food delivery personal have become our local heroes as these people are finally recognized for always put themselves on the front line.

I was sitting in the cafeteria of where I work this morning, watching the sunrise. The beauty of the sun peaking up in the night sky, changing dark to light. In this moment, I realized how calming and peaceful the sun rising is. I wish this kind of calm and peace across our great nation. I wish that injustices where no more and race was not an issue. I wish our people can survive this virus and it will be controlled. I wish for the day we can once again walk outside our homes without face mask and see each other smile. I wish for our lives can be somewhat like it was before we were quarantined. I wish for every one across our nation and beyond to find happiness, love, freedom, justice, and I pray that we can overcome anything…. together! Unity… unity to all of us!

Cougar… — January 19, 2021

Cougar…

What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear this word, COUGAR? 

For most people, they automatically think of an older woman desperately, having sexual relationship with a younger male. Hmmm… does that mean all older women who pursue a relationship with a younger man is a cougar?  I think not….

Women over 40 aren’t necessarily looking for a quick roll in the hay with some young stud!!  There are 40 and older women looking for a serious, long term relationship, even if it is with someone younger than themselves. I am wondering why it is still okay for an older man to date or even marry a younger woman? You don’t hear people calling him a cougar; in fact, there no terms used to describe an older man with a younger woman.  So why is it acceptable to label a woman with such a sexist and derogatory word as cougar?

Instead, the younger woman is labeled a gold digger or sugar baby. No one seems to question the fact that the older man may be going through a midlife crisis or perhaps he actually prefers falling in love with someone younger than him.  People are more concerned about labeling the woman and the drama behind it.

According to the article written by Sara Conrad from The Florida Time Union Jacksonville.com, she stated that “the relationship of an older woman and a younger man (in) the U.S. has become obsessed with calling woman cougars and that popular culture is capitalizing on the slang.”  Within Ms. Conrad’s article, several women stated how this labeling created negativity from others and placed pressure on the relationship as well as creating stress.

This I agree with from my own personal experience. I am 51 years old and I was in a 12-year relationship with a man 15 years younger with me. I am not a cougar. I truly fall in love with him. He preferred being with an older woman. He often told me what he loved about me was my maturity, intelligence and knows exactly what I want out of live. I did not bring drama to the table like most younger girls did. We never expected for our loves one and circle of friends to label me with age discrimination. We even had plans to marry, but our relationship didn’t last because of the stress and pressure of our age difference. His family did not accept me because of my age, his friends excluded me and didn’t want me to join them on outings.  Before long, my boyfriend and I started having arguments because of this age exclusion. He accused me being jealous, told me numerous times to ignore the slang words. I accused him of abandonment and not having my back. It got messy and we parted.

My question is why we are using slang words to describe someone without knowing the person?  The word cougars should be used to empower woman. Woman over 40 are living a life that is “fabulous: (it is) not the end of sex, love or earning. It can be the time that you go for all your dreams and goals. You do not have to wait for a man or anyone to say it’s ok….” (quote from Franklin in article from Sara Conrad)

I believe that a cougar is a woman over 40 who has her shit together! She is intelligence, mature, independent, strong, and seeking a life that she can build with her partner. She is empowered. She doesn’t need a man in her life but wants to share her life with a man. Age should not be a barrier. Age doesn’t define a person’s character or personality. Age does not depict how a person live their lives.

We shouldn’t use slang words or any sexist words to describe any person, especially towards our love ones.  Stop and think… what would you do if your daughter, wife, sister or mother told you someone just called them one of the many sexists and derogatory words used to describe women?

Ending a Toxic Relationship — January 8, 2021

Ending a Toxic Relationship

Have you ever been with someone that you loved so deeply, trusted and was fully committed to? Only to wake up one day to your world turned upset down and your heart shatter!!

I fell in love with a man that I felt was “the one”! He was my everything, best friend, lover, partner in crime. We had plans to marry and face this world together! Everything changed; in one sweeping moment, he changed. This man, who we will call Stephen, became violent and cold. The love and sweetness that he gave to me was gone. His attentions were focus more on his “friends.” He was always on his phone, hiding it from me or deleting information. Stephen spent hours sitting on our balcony, talking to someone on his phone. Watching him flirt, laugh and smile was hard to bear. The worst was hearing him tell someone else ” I love you babygirl!”

I knew that this relationship was becoming toxic fast when Stephen raised his hand to me. He degraded me consistently. Insulted me and manipulated me into believing that I was worthless and unworthy of him. He became violently angry if I did not give him want he wanted. Drugs were a big part of his life. Cheating started to became an even bigger part of his life. I was with this man for over 10 years. He torn apart my life. I lost relationships with family members, lost my home and lost my children become of him. He destroyed my life.

One day, I was driving alone when I came to the realization that I needed to break free from Stephen. This was not the life I wanted to live nor the message I wanted to send to my daughters. No man should treat a woman this poorly. I was literally living in hell. My confidence was gone. My smile and bubbly personality was gone. My family and friends, all noticed a drastic change in me. I have completely lost everything…. I lost me! I needed to reclaim my life!

It was hard but I started to stand up to him, call him out on his lies, caught him on camera cheating and even stopped hiding my bruises with makeup. I made sure his friends and family saw those bruises, which caused them to ask questions. He pushed back harder but I didn’t give into his manipulation. I started to do things on my own, making newer friends, and distancing myself from him. Afterall, he was busy fucking someone else!! So why do I have to stay home alone? Hell no! I went out and reclaim ME!!! We did have more arguments than before. He made more threats than before. I will admit there were times that I feared for my life. But I never backed down; this was my chance to break free from a very toxic relationship. Besides if he truly loved me, he would have never treated me like this. I believe he was in love, just not with me. He was in love with controlling me. So I ended that control. No man will ever control me again.

Stephen tried really hard to keep his grip on me. He told me what I wanted to hear, made promises of changing…he did what most narcissistic men would do. It was very clear that he was not going to let me go. I had to make drastic changes to my life. I moved from my current to a new home on a different side of my hometown. I alerted my boss of my situation. I even called the police and started a paper trail on him. Every time he threatened me I reported it and made sure it was documented. Everything that Stephen said to me, I did not trust. I knew he was a master liar. I continued to stand up to him; never once backing down. I refused to loose to ME again. All of this drama and stress was just not worth it anymore. I blocked him! I blocked on social media and on my phone! I did not want or need this madness anymore in my life. Please don’t get me wrong, it was the hardest thing I ever done in my life. I did love him. I just could not live that kind of lifestyle anymore.

It actually didn’t take long before he had someone else to control. It’s been months since I have seen or heard from him. My life is better, at least I am not waking up to yelling or bruises. I don’t have to worry that my man is cheating. There is actually a little more changes in my pocketbook. I made my own rules, go where I want to go and actually do what I want to do. There is life after a toxic relationship. It does take time to mend and to pick up the pieces that have been shattered. Definitely a work in progress…. who’s know I might meet someone who is right for me, re-marry and life an even fuller life with someone. There is hope!

Back into the Dating World —

Back into the Dating World

Please I beg of you, explain to me when the dating world changed so drastically!!! When did it become known that it is expected to have sex on the first date? If the guy buys you dinner or a drink, he is expecting sex!!! Some of these message men send are equally degrading?! Why does it matter what size my breast are? Why do you think it is okay to ask for nude pictures after meeting me 30 seconds ago? What the fuck is going on here!!!!!!! What happened to the days, when men had respect for women? I truly miss a man who will open a door for me, bringing me flowers for no reason or even placing his hand in the small of my back as he escorts me to our table or even while strolling in the park. I just don’t understand why I have to lower my expectations for some guy who obviously has no expectations of being a better man. What is the deal with men consistently standing up a woman? I do not understand why it is so hard for men to make time for a woman that they claim to like so much and wants to date. Please don’t tell me it is hard for a single dad to find babysitting, if he really wants to see you then he will move mountains to see you!!!

Call me old fashioned or even a hopeless romantic, but that doesn’t change the fact that the morals of our society is in the crapper! When men decided it is acceptable to dip their stick in any woman of their choosing because they feel they can; then they are sending a message that they have no respect for women. Why do we allow them to degrade us like this? Come on women!! Where is you are self- worth??? You are better than that! You deserve better than that!!

When a man tells you that he wants to see you but never shows up, he is clearly stating that he is not interested enough in you to make time for you. So why are we putting ourselves through hell waiting for someone who will never make time for us??? Move on women!! Stop limiting your options, the right man for you is still looking for you!

Same goes for a man who is too demanding or uses fear to trap you. He does not really care about you or love you. His intentions are for self gain. Move on from these men! I would think it is the time for women to start standing up and tells all of these men… NO MORE!! Respect us, treat us well, keep your stick in your pants, feed us without expectations of something in return, stop being a no-show and actually make time to be with us!!! Otherwise we are strong enough to walk away from you, and be the free-spirited, independent women that we are. We don’t even need a man to pleasure ourselves thanks to our trusty sexual devices!! The only difference is we WANT a good man in our lives! We don’t need a man, but we want a man….

Please understand that I know that there a few good men in this world that do respect women. I know there are few women in this world who add to the degradation of good women by their poor choices. All I am clearly stating is please don’t assume that every woman wants sex on the first date. There are a few of us who actually want to know who you are and would like to build a relationship with you. Not even woman wants to be disrespected or even left to feel unworthy. Standing a woman up is one of the worst things you can do to a woman. Why do it? Mean what you say, show up and be real!

If you could meet 20 year old self, what would you say? —

If you could meet 20 year old self, what would you say?

I would have told myself to never give up on ME, don’t listen to hurtful words and stay away from toxic people. I would have told myself to “go for it!” in getting the college degree that wanted instead of listening to other people. I would have told myself, ” You are beautiful, just the way you are! Never let anyone tell you different! You are stronger than you think! Never let a man lay a hand on you!”

What would you say to your 20 year old self? Please post your comments.